The Farmer's Shotgun

We understand that this is not really a women joke but it was still funny so we had to put it on. Be careful what you say to some people, especially when they have a shotgun and they are asking your daughter out.

Did you hear the one about the overprotective farmer and his three daughters?

Whenever one of his daughters had a date, he would meet the young man at the door with a shotgun in his hand.

One night, all three daughters had dates. When the first date rang the bell, the farmer picked up his shotgun and answered the door. "Hi, I'm Eddie," said the boy, "I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get spaghetti."

The farmer didn't care much for poetry, but let his oldest daughter go out anyway.

A little bit later the doorbell rang again. The farmer grabbed his shotgun, opened the door, and the boy said "Hi, I'm Joe. I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show."

The farmer let his middle daughter out for the evening.

With only his youngest daughter left at home, the doorbell rang again. Shotgun in hand the farmer opened the door.

"Hi, I'm Chuck..." began the boy.

The farmer shot him.

Other Women Jokes - Can You Please Women?

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

Other Women Jokes - I want to Understand Women

A man is walking down a beach, and accidentally kicks a bottle out of the sand. He opens the bottle, and a genie appears. The genie said,

"I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you one wish. I can only grant one."

The man thought for a while and finally said,

"I have always wanted to go to Hawaii. I've never been able to go because airplanes are much too frightening for me and boats make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."

The genie thought for a few minutes and said,

"No, I can't do it. Imagine all the work involved. All the piling to hold up the highway needed and all the pavement. Ask for something else."

"Well," the man said. "I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with. Basically, what makes them tick."

The genie considered this for a couple of minutes and said,

"So, do you want that road two lanes or four?"

The Chemical Analysis of a Woman

Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Atomic Weight : Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer : Adam
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower
concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal
fluctuations.

Physical Properties :
a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

Chemical Properties :
a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

Uses :
a) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
b) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
c) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
d) Can cool things down when it's too hot.

Tests :
a) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
b) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Caution :
a) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
b) Illegal to possess more than one.