Rules for Women Written by Men

Well, the truth is that we men have a lot of rules put upon us by women. Here are those rules that we should have for women.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us griping about you leaving it down.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

A Few Random Sexist Women Jokes

Sexist Woman Joke 1:

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you already told her twice.

Sexist Woman Joke 2:

What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
The dishes if she knows what's good for her.

Sexist Woman Joke 3:

Why do women get married in white?
So they match the kitchen appliances!

Sexist Woman Joke 4:

Why is clinton gonna lose the election?
Cause she is a woman

Sexist Woman Joke 5:

Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
Walking the dog is relaxing.

Sexist Woman Joke 6:

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why. - quote by Adam Ferrara

10 Reasons Why a Handgun is Better than a Woman

10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.
5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
1 - You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

What is The Difference Between Big Breasts and Small Breasts - Woman Joke

Women with big breasts…

•..can get a taxi on the worst days
•..have a neat place to carry spare change
•..have always been the centre of the arts
•..make jogging a spectator sport
•..can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
•..usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
•..always float better

The Wife that Is Too Nagging

Farmer Frank had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing.

One day when he was out in the field, Frank's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Frank's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly.

At the wake, Frank's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Frank he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.

When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Frank and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?"

Well, Frank replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, 'Is that mule for sale!?'"

What does the Woman Actually Mean?

We all have problems understanding women. If the next lines are true or not you decide. Here is what a woman says and what she actually means:

No = Yes.
Of course I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
I might as well tell you Bob and I are seeing each other = Bob and I are having sex.
I feel I've known you my whole life = I'm drunk.
Will you respect me in the morning? = You won't tell your friends, will you?
I never do this on my first date = I always do this on my first date.
Don't touch me there = Touch me there, but I'm going to stop you
You're...so manly = You need to shave and you sweat a lot.
Hello? Oh yes. Didn't we meet at the bar Friday night? = I've been waiting by the phone for three days
Let's not talk "commitment". Let's just see what happens = I'm not taking any birth control pills.
You're certainly lovely tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I can't believe you're here.It must be fate = I've been following you all day.
I'm particular who I have sex with = I draw the line at barnyard animals.
I'm not emotional and I'm not over-reacting = I'm having my period.
I hope you're not disappointed =I'm flat chested.
Want to come upstairs for a nightcap? = Want to come upstairs and have sex?
Just come upstairs for a drink = Maybe if I get you drunk you'll have sex with me.
I love a man who takes charge = You're picking up the bill, aren't you?
Be romantic...turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

Does it Hurt to Become a Woman?

A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show. The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced during the operation. The transexual replied,

"Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn't hurt too much. Even when they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either...."

"Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?"

"Hell no! It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!"